MAKE ROOM.

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This time of the year is always a time of deep reflection for most people, including myself. It’s normally when we look back over what we set out to accomplish for the year and assess whether we achieved the goals we set for ourselves or not. 2020 is a year that I don’t think any of us could’ve imagined. 2020 forced us to shift. It forced us to Make Room for different ways to live our lives.

At the beginning of 2020, my intention for the year was to “Make Room”. Make Room for God, my husband, and then myself, in that order.

God first, because duh lol. No but really because I knew that living in His will was way better for my life than anything I could’ve ever planned. I knew that I was searching for things that only God could provide, but I also knew my relationship with Him had been lacking. I knew that drawing closer to God was the most important thing I wanted to focus on. 

My husband, second, because my life was about to be connected with his in a way I hadn’t experienced before and I knew there were some things I had to learn about partnership, compromise, submission, and cohabitation. I wanted to prioritize that relationship because I was so used to focusing on “me”, and I would now need to make the mental shift to focusing on “us”. 

Thirdly, myself, because I needed to do a better job at setting boundaries for family and friends. Not that anyone was super intrusive or disrespectful with my time, but oftentimes I would prioritize things that others needed and wanted and not leave enough time for the things I needed or wanted to do.

So as you can guess, the year didn’t go at all the way I planned.

Ironically, this was the year I probably felt the farthest from God. Not because of what was going on in the world, but because of what was going on in my world. I had plans. Really good, fun plans. God shut them all down. And although I had no choice but to surrender to His plan, I didn’t do it willingly. I fought it at every step. I complained about everything I wanted that I felt was taken from me. This was supposed to be the “biggest” year of my life and everything that made it “big” was cancelled. I kept saying, “What are the odds that this would be the year that a global pandemic struck the entire world?! Like, why THIS year?! The biggest year of MY life!” Such selfish and privileged thinking, right? I know. 

I realize now that at the beginning of the year, when I set an intention to “Make Room” what I really meant was that I was going to spend the entire year after April 25, 2020 doing so. I prioritized my wedding, and everything that wasn’t related to that got pushed to the side. Including God. Well, we all see how that turned out. God was like Don’t even trip, bruh. You don’t have time for me? I got you! I’ll move all that stuff over so you can focus on what’s really important.

And although this year wasn’t at all what I thought it would be – each time I was met with disappointment about something that I couldn’t do or that I felt was taken from me, there was also an opportunity to change my perspective and Make Room for God’s will in that moment.

  • When my bachelorette party was cancelled, God made room for me to focus on preparing myself for marriage in premarital counseling instead of turning up with my friends in Puerto Rico. (Not that I couldn’t do both, but I definitely wasn’t prioritizing both.)

  • When my wedding was postponed, God made room for me to separate the marriage from the wedding and focus on the most important part first. (We back in 2022 though!!)

  • When my honeymoon (that we waited to the last minute to book) was cancelled, God made room for me to accrue more PTO days and save them for future trips.

  • When Black Excellence Beach Weekend was cancelled, God made room for 600+ people to join us in Punta Cana in 2021 (which is almost triple the number of attendees we previously had for the 2020 trip).

  • When the world shut down and all the social events we had planned for 2020 were cancelled, God made room for my husband and I to spend the most time that we’ve ever spent together in life, just us two - turns out we really like each other lol. (It was even more special that this is our first year of marriage. I truly believe this year will set the tone for many more to come.)

  • When we transitioned to working from home, God made room for my husband and I to have lunch or take walks together on our breaks in between calls and meetings.

  • When the doctors offices were closed, God made room for me to become really intentional about my physical and mental health. (I’ve been working with a naturopathic doctor, chiropractor/acupuncturist, and I just found a therapist!)

  • When the gym and yoga studio closed, God made room for me to create an in-house exercise room, where I was able to work out virtually with my best friend who’s in Chicago.

  • When all my tv shows were put on pause, God made room for me to start reading and writing again. (It’s also ironic that in previous years, I would write a post about the theme I had chosen for that year, but this year I didn’t even “make room” for that.)

  • When churches closed their doors, God made room for us to stream services virtually giving many the ability to watch multiple services in different cities.

Honestly, the list could go on and I’m sure I’m missing some important stuff but the point is - even when I didn’t Make Room for God, He always did and always will Make Room for me.

A big shift for me came this year when I had a conversation with my husband that really opened my eyes. I told him that I felt like I didn’t have control over my own time. That it felt like my time was just being sucked away by all the things I had to do and I never had time to do what I wanted to do. It felt like I had so much free time, but nothing to show for it. I had a list of things that I had been waiting for some extended time at home to do, and I still felt too busy to do all the things.

He politely checked me with a simple question. He asked “What is preventing you from doing the things you say you want to do so badly?”

And I didn’t have an answer, because I knew in that moment that I was looking for anything to take the responsibility and accountability off of myself.  I was looking for SOMETHING to blame, when really the SOMEONE was me.

As I reflected more on that I was reminded of the story in the Bible where Jesus visits Mary and Martha. Luke 10:38-42 NLT says, 

38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”

41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I was prioritizing the wrong things. I felt like I had to complete things that I needed to do before I got to the things I wanted to do. But really, neither one of those things were more important than what God commanded me to do. 

Matthew 6:31-34 NLT says 

“31 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ 32 These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 33 Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.”

It’s crazy how when I really take the time to go to God for guidance, there’s so much clarity He provides in His Word. And every single time, when I think I have a plan or control over my life, I’m reminded that His plan is ALWAYS better. So even when the to do list is getting long, and I wake up with a million things on my mind I have to remember that if I seek Him first, and truly MAKE ROOM for him every single day, He will give me everything I need, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Happy New Year, y’all!